Well, I turn 34 today. That feels weird to write because for some reason that I absolutely cannot explain, I’ve actually thought I was 34 for two years.
I have no idea how this happened but this past couple of years when I’ve been out in public and am asked how old I am like at the doctor’s office, I always say 34. My husband always interjects and corrects me, “No, she’s not. She’s 33.”
So today, I can say with (almost) complete certainty, I am finally 34.
I’ve written a few lists for my birthday such as 31 Interesting Things in 31 Years and 32 Lessons Learned in 32 years so in keeping with the same theme, the list is back. Some are silly, some are sarcastic and some are serious. Here are 34 Things You Should Never Be Sorry For:
- Not remembering your age. Ahem.
- Not being honest about your age. Obvs.
- Hiding in the pantry while you sneak and eat the last cookie. Because let’s be honest, it’s a miracle if the savages that live in your house haven’t already eaten them all.
- Talking too loud. Confession: When I get Shhh’d, I always say I’m sorry, but I never actually am.
- Being successful. When God blesses you and uses you, you don’t need to apologize for it or justify it. You don’t need to explain it, downplay it, or excuse it.
- Not sending Christmas cards. Do you know who will notice or care? Exactly no one. (Except maybe your mother-in-law, so maybe just mail one pic of the kids for her.)
- Having a messy purse.Currently, my pathetic beat-to-death purse is crammed full of receipts, 17 lipsticks, a wine opener (I can explain), contact solution (I cannot explain), a Donald Duck figurine, dirty tissues, and at least four rocks.
- Having a messy anything. Or everything. Seriously. Life’s too short to spend organizing.
- Staying up late to work because you love what you do. It’s 11:30 p.m. right now as I am writing this post, and I’m happy as a clam.
- Stealing your husband’s razor, or covers, or chapstick, or anything. He’s your husband. That’s literally what he signed up for.
- Spending too much money at Target. Seriously, if you feel guilty for this, you’re going to feel guilty for the rest of your life.
- Having chipped toenail polish. If you don’t have time for a pedicure, you rock those sandals with scraggly toes in the summer anyway.
- Not sending thank-you notes. We all hate writing them, so why do we keep putting this pressure on ourselves and each other?! STOP IT. Say thank-you. Give a hug. Mean it. And then be done.
- Doing things your way. You don’t need to do parenting, marriage, or life how they do it. Do what’s right for you.
- Not being able to make it to a wedding shower in another state. Your friend should understand if you can’t afford to make a long distance trip. Send a gift and don’t worry—they still love you.
- Having scars. I have a c-section scar, and you know what? I think it’s pretty Bad-A that my body did what it did. You have scars? Good. Scars are a sign of strength.
- Driving your car around with the gas tank on E. Or let’s be honest: below E. If you see me coasting around town with sweat running down my face, it’s because I’ve turned the air off to preserve what drops of gas I have left. What I want less than air conditioning or the fear of running out of gas is to actually stop for gas.
- Hiding in the bathroom. Because seriously, sometimes you need a freaking break. And truth be told, you don’t always get one in there either.
- Wearing workout clothes to give the impression you’ve worked out when in fact you have no intention of working out. I call this “every day.”
- Eating cereal at 9 at night. I call this “every night.”
- Crying. It’s cleansing. Let it go.
- Loving Taylor Swift. I can’t fathom why anyone would feel bad about this, but I wanted to throw it in just in case.
- Shoving all of the mess in your house into extra bedrooms and closing the door when you have company over. Seriously, is there even another way to clean?
- Asking a question in a meeting. Don’t apologize when you speak up. It’s subconscious. You don’t mean to, I know that. But seriously, try to stop. You don’t need to apologize for your existence, your place at the table, or your question.
- Not returning a text immediately. And while you’re at it, turn off the dang “read” receipts so every time someone sends you a text, they aren’t staring at their phone thinking, “I know you saw it. I see that you saw it. You haven’t responded. You aren’t even typing. HELLO? What are you DOING?”
- Watching The Bachelor. Or not watching The Bachelor. Why are there so many conflicting emotions around this show? You feel bad if you watch and feel bad if you don’t!
- Eating processed food. Or sugar. Or whatever. You won’t go to hell. Or at least you won’t go as fast as the organic kale-eating boogie monsters tell you that you will. (I’m eating handfuls of Carter’s Teddy Grahams as I write this, so I’m hoping this is true.)
- Saying no even if you don’t already have plans. You don’t just have the right to say no; you have the responsibility to say no. Your life and your time are not owed to anyone else. They’re just that: yours.
- Not knowing what you’re doing. None of us do. Welcome to the club!
- Bringing chips and salsa to the potluck. Seriously, you know you’re going to do it anyway, so just own it. No one wants you to show up with chips and salsa and a side of guilt, so grab your grocery bag and show up with a smile.
- Your kids being mad at you. If they’re mad, then they’re breathing. If they’re breathing, then you’re doing your job. Well done, you!
- Not shaving your legs and wearing shorts anyway. The chances someone will notice are small and the chances they will care if they do is even smaller. I say go for it.
- Buying party supplies at the party store. Instead of cutting out each individual letter for your banner by hand? Gasp! All that Pinterest pressure and performance is about us, not our kids. They want cake and presents and friends—that’s it.
- Loving yourself. We spend an awful lot of time beating ourselves up, and hating ourselves, as if that’s the right thing to do. Instead, be kind to yourself. God made you. God loves you. You can love you, too.
There you have it: 34 things you should never be sorry for. What would you add?